IT’S BACK! IT’S BACK!
What would happen if you didn’t know the plot of a film or the film star’s public persona?
What would you say you’d think it would be like when you randomly encounter that film’s poster?
And you were an idiot or slightly too imaginative?
Welcome to Poster Perspective a bi-tri-sometimes-monthly-thingy where I enact what would an idiot think of a poster, ignoring conventions but adding the awesome.
This time: Dark Shadows, Ruby Sparks, and Beasts of the Southern Wild.
Case: Dark Shadows
Misreading: The Whole Thing.
The Beach Boys originally had five members of the band. In a pact for worldwide domination, they sacrifice Barnabas Collins to Hades (Benicio Del Toro) in return for ultimate fame. However, what they don’t know is that Barnabas Collins is back – undead, but very perturbed. Hades has sent Collins to stop the birth of his ancestor, Phil, but Collins wants to prove that he can rock harder and better than his old band can harmonise. Joined by undead Van Morrison (Jeremy Renner), undead Jimi Hendrix (Mos Def), career dead Pete Best (Helena Bonham Carter), who has his own dark back story, and the very much alive The Carpenters, he goes off on an American cross-country trip to outmatch, outgun and claim back his music rights. Oh, and Hades is not happy.
Rated R for IN-A-GADDA-DA-VIDA HONNNNIIIIEEEEEEEE.
Case: Ruby Sparks
Misreading: The Whole Thing… and pretending that David Cronenberg also co-directed Little Miss Sunshine.
E-Book readers are not manufactured any more. They’re born. When the world went digital, the publishers had to do something that bigger corporations could not get to, so they created paper-micro-biology tech to make human-books which resemble hipsters, to remain ‘fashionable’. Paul (played by Paul Dano), beta-tests Ruby Sparks (Zoe Kazan), who specialises in 18th Century Art, Pokemon and Indian Cuisine. At first, Paul cannot stand his model, but he finds that as he adds more books, he starts to fall in love with her intelligence as she becomes self-aware. However, Congress finds that these ‘books’ are illegal. Aside from the fact Paul will lose his library of 10,000 books, he’ll lose the only person that can talk about the history of Camel Racing within the Middle East in the mid 15th Century. With the use of her knowledge, they go on the run wearing the latest Urban Outfitters outfits.
PG-13 for scenes of an affectionately kooky nature, mild body horror, and EDUCATION.
Case: Beasts of the Southern Wild
Misreading: Everything. (Note: I might have accidentally written one that is serious)
Dwayne Johnson is a firefighter who goes on holiday with his sister and niece in the Amazon Rainforest. However, when a boat trip goes wrong, his sister drowns and he loses his niece. Knowing that every minute in the jungle is a minute closer to death, he has little time to save his niece from the beasts that lurk in the darkness, as both animal and human predators circle in.
Rated PG-13 for the Dwayne Johnson film that people will not ironically enjoy and actually applies a realistic emotional connection within an action movie setting, between him and a child that doesn’t involve pandering.
That has been Poster Perspective. Enjoy until next time and then you will enjoy some more misreading.
Got suggestions of posters young and old? Hit me up at @milanmatejka on twitter or email me at milan(at)imustreadthis(dot)com.
